How To Tell If A Guy Likes You
One of the hardest parts of dating is getting things off the ground. Maybe you’ve met a guy, and things have become a little flirtatious: you send each other DMs of the latest memes, and when you see each other at parties the conversation is flowing and easy. Maybe you’ve even hung out one-on-one, but you’re hesitant to label it as a “date.
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You’re starting to catch feelings, but before you go any further, you want to know if what you’re feeling is mutual. Everyone has to face rejection now and again, but you can save yourself some heartbreak by assessing the situation for signs that he’s really into you before you make a big move. If you’re feeling unsure about where you stand with a new romantic potential, here are just a few of the ways you can tell if a guy really likes you.
1. He Takes An Interest In Your Interests
Before you fall head over heels it’s worth asking yourself: does this guy know what my interests are? Could he name three of my hobbies? Does he know my favorite band? This may seem like a no-brainer, but once I dated a guy for two whole months before he even registered the fact that I’m a writer. If a guy likes you, he’ll take an interest in the things that you’re passionate about. He’ll ask questions and try to learn more about what’s important to you. If he dismisses or ignores your interests, he’s probably not that into you and not worth your time anyway.
2. He Finds Ways To Spend Time With You
If a guy likes you, he’ll want to spend time around you. If he sees you at a party or bumps into you on the street, he’ll be happy to see you and have the chance to be around you. If he bails every time you try to make plans, it’s a sign that he might not be that interested. However, a cancelled plan doesn’t necessarily mean disinterest -- sometimes unexpected things come up, and if he makes a genuine effort to reschedule it’s an indication that he’s at least interested in getting to know you better.
3. He Respects Your Boundaries
There has been a lot of discussion recently about boundaries within heterosexual relationships, but boundaries are fundamental for gay men as well. Creating and respecting one another’s boundaries is key to a successful relationship, even in the very early stages. Maybe you don’t want to have sex right away, or maybe your hectic work schedule means you can’t hang out as frequently or as late. If a guy really likes you, he’ll respect whatever boundaries you have and won’t ignore them or pressure you to change them.
4. He’s Consistent In His Behavior Towards You
Hot-and-cold behavior is a red flag. If he acts excited to see you at first, and then suddenly changes his tune and acts aloof, he may not be that into you. Of course, everyone has off days and it’s unfair to ask the guy you’re crushing on to be overjoyed every time you hang out. However, if his attitude towards you shifts day-to-day, it’s an indication that he doesn’t care enough about you to consider how that inconsistent behavior makes you feel.
5. He Shows You Random Acts Of Kindness
Toxic masculinity effects gay men too, and some guys have trouble articulating their feelings because of the ways that men have been taught to bury our emotions. The ability to express one’s feelings is a skill that can be learned over time, and some people best express themselves through action. His feelings towards you may come out in gestures rather than words: maybe he prepared lunches for you when he knew you were having a hard week, or maybe helped you move when you needed an extra hand, no questions asked. Verbal confirmation is important, but his actions can also go a long way to show that he cares.
6. He Isn’t Looking to Rush Things With You
The old wisdom that a guy who likes you won’t sleep with you right away is bullshit. If you want to have sex after the first date (or before the first date), and you’ve both given explicit and voluntary consent, then go for it. Same goes with labels: if you’re both down to call each other boyfriends, then why not? Alarm bells should ring if he tries to rush things -- if he pressures you into sex, or wants to put labels on things before you’re ready. If he’s not willing to take the relationship at a pace that’s comfortable for you, he may be more into the idea of being in a relationship than actually listening to your wants and needs.
7. He Makes An Effort With Your Friends
For many queer people, our friends become our surrogate family, which can make introducing a new romantic prospect to your friend group a particularly stress-inducing experience. If he really likes you, he’ll make an effort to get along with your friends. He’ll engage them in conversation, and really take the chance to get to know them. I’m fortunate enough to have very loving and protective friends who give the third degree to every guy I bring around, and generally I’ve found that the guys who are able to impress my friends are the ones worth pursuing further.
8. He Tells You That He Likes You
If you’re not sure if a guy likes you or not, you can always ask him. This may seem obvious, but often the best answers are the simplest ones. Of course, this is easier said than done. It requires you to screw up your courage, leave your ego at the door, and be prepared for rejection if you don’t receive the answer you were looking for. However, this straightforward approach is much more foolproof than trying to interpret his every action for some clue about how he feels. It can be difficult to be so direct, but ultimately it will open the doors for you to have a more honest and intimate relationship in the future.
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