How To Disagree With Your Partner In Tense Times

Every relationship is going to have moments of disagreement: Conflict is natural, but we aren’t necessarily taught how to handle it! One moment, you’re arguing with your partner about the price of an upcoming trip, and the next you’re embroiled in a fight so massive it could sink the relationship.

How do you navigate an argument without getting into a screaming match or saying things you both regret later? Here, we have some handy tips on how to get out of an argument with your grace intact.

1. Ask Whether The Issue Really Merits Getting Angry

Almost no issue is worth making a huge scene about. Most of the time, arguments happen because one person’s pride is in the way. Yes, it’s hard in the moment to stay calm, but look at it this way: An argument is an investment of time and care. It doesn’t make sense to devote two hours to arguing about whose home city has the better pizza!

RELATED: Step-By-Step Instructions For How To Handle A Relationship Argument 

Before you make a huge scene at your favorite restaurant, take a breath and ask yourself: Is this important? Parse out the disagreements worth discussing (whether you want kids, say) from the ones that are a waste of energy. After all, couples don’t even remember most of the things they got angry about later on. Swallowing your pride is an option, and has the added bonus of not ruining the rest of your day.

2. Postpone The Argument If Necessary

When you feel yourself getting irate, stop and ask yourself if you can put off this discussion. A lot of relationship fights happen when one half of the couple is tense. If you’ve just got back from an exhausting day at the office, or are tired or hungry, try and put off your disagreement.

A simple “I don’t think this is a good time -- can we continue this later? can be an effective way to tackle emotional arguments. When you revisit it later, you will be in a calmer, more fair-minded mood and won’t say things you might repent.

3. Don’t Hit Below The Belt

It’s tempting to bring up old arguments or issues in the relationship when you want to score points. But don’t do it -- it’s absolutely not fair to the other person to drag it into ugly territory. What started as a simple, easy-to-resolve fight will turn into a simmering resentment that is much more difficult to eradicate. Keep your focus on the immediate issue, don’t expand the arena of the fight.

Tell yourself there is always time to say more later. You can bring up grievances later, but you can’t take back things that you said in the heat of the moment! Try to stay relatively restrained in your speech, and this will prevent the disagreement from going into any dark places. If you don’t hit below the belt, she won’t either.

4. Don't Gaslight Your Partner

Gaslighting -- making your partner feel like they’re being irrational or imagining things -- is easy to do in arguments. Here are some examples of gaslighting statements:

“Stop acting crazy.

“You’re totally overreacting. I never said that.

“You need to calm down. You’re being hysterical over nothing right now.

Just like yours are, your partner’s feelings are valid, no matter what they are. If your partner is experiencing a strong emotional reaction to something you’re saying, there’s probably a reason for it. Slow down and ask yourself “How can I make my partner feel heard? Instead of making judgmental statements about her reaction, ask yourself why she feels that way. Asking questions without jumping to conclusions is always a wise choice.

Here are some examples of good statements to make to your partner, instead:

“I want to understand why you say that.

“I hear that you’re feeling frustrated right now.

“What do you think the problem is?

Remember not to challenge your partner on her feelings -- only her assumptions.

5. Don't Get Too Loud Or Aggressive

No matter how strongly you feel about what you’re saying, watch the tone of your voice. It’s easy for men to slip into a mode of aggression: You may not even be aware you’re doing it! Be careful not to let your voice go above a certain volume. Ensuring you are patient and calm will help her stay calm as well, without frightening her inadvertently. If she does point out that you’re yelling, lower your tone of voice immediately and apologize without disputing her.

RELATED: 5 Tips For Communicating With Women Most Guys Need

6. End The Argument With An Affirmation

Maybe your views on religion are never going to align. That’s accepted. What can you do about it? If you’ve hit a dead end and don’t know what to do, try and end the discussion on as pleasant a note as possible. After all, this is still the person you love and respect. Focus on what you do agree with.

“I agree that it’s not fair on you to have to move when the economy’s so uncertain. I may not agree with the other points you brought up, but I definitely agree with you on the moving issue.

When the arguments over, let it stay dead. Don’t keep that negative energy going, or be petty afterward. Tell her that you won’t carry any hard feelings forward. A frank, sweet admission like that will disarm her, and you can continue your loving relationship without wasting time being mad at each other. Good luck!



Via : https://boutder.blogspot.com

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How Often Should You Work Out Your Abs?

If you really want washboard abs, you've got to put the work in every day. Right? Actually, crushing your ab routine everyday might do more harm than good.  “People have the idea that if they do an hour of ab exercises that that’s going to chisel their abs and burn fat from that area—the old spot-reduction approach,” says Wayne Westcott, Ph.D., a professor of exercise science at Quincy College in Quincy, MA. But realistically, Westcott says you should train your core no more than three days a week. While by now you know that spot-reduction is a myth, when you overtrain your abs at lower intensities, core work becomes an endurance-type activity rather than a strength- and muscle-building activity, Westcott explains. Related: Don’t Miss These Nine Exercises That Will Fast-Track Your Six-Pack On top of not providing the intensity or recovery time needed to increase strength, too much training can also increase your risk of overuse and imbala...
Read more

How to Gain Weight the Healthy Way - Building Muscle, Curve Shape

An important part of fitness that’s covered much less than weight loss, is weight gain. Gaining weight takes strategy, consistency, and work. It might seem foreign to some people who have differing goals, but saying “just eat more!” to someone who is trying to gain weight is not unlike saying “just eat less!” to someone who needs to lose weight. Relationships with food can be complicated. How to eat to gain weight and muscle the healthy way Eat often - Try to eat 6 times a day; 3 meals and 3 snacks. Try to not let more than 2-3 hours pass in between eating. Related:  What should you eat before your workout? Best pre-work out snacks  Eat more - Adding an additional 500-1000 extra calories to daily intake would make for an increase of 1-2 lbs a week, though these variables will be impacted by the individual’s level of activity. It may seem a little intimidating to someone who is trying to eat more to gain weight but you can break the add...
Read more

140-Pound Woman Joins The 1,000 Club

From nothingness, the universe was created. From a simple caterpillar, a butterfly emerges. A dorky teen grows up to be a fashion model, or a bodybuilder. The one constant in life is change, and in our  Transformation of the Week  series, AskMen is celebrating men and women who have turned their lives around through dedication, commitment and hard work. Is that you? Email us your story and pictures at askus@askmen.com and you could be featured next week! Reaching the 1,000-pound club is an impressive feat for any lifter man or woman. It is essentially a standard by which many lifters measure themselves to be “strong.” To join the club, add the total weight you can lift in a squat, bench press and deadlift. If the total is more than 1,000, you’re in. And if you’re not in, it does not mean you’re weak. In fairness, that’s a damn lot of weight. Which made it all the more impressive when Gabrielle Tucker announced on a Reddit thread that she had...
Read more